THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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