Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
