Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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