You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm getting married
To pizza
Two words: blizzard sex
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
