I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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