Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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