girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
