I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
