Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
