fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
