i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
