I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
