Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
