Apparently you make a good broom.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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