Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
