please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
organizing the empties. That sober.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
