you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
