he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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