Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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