I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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