so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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