Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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