my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
