Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hippo gnu deer
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
