you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
