I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
