I accidentally burped into my bong.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I am one with the molecules
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
