we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
