Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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