omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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