i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
