you have to choose: penises or morals?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
