I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
In America we eat man semen.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
