just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
