how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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