You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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