i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
