Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
