Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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