I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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