closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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