super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
