His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
