she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
