Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
