I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
