Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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