In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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