so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I intend to get homeless drunk
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
