dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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