This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Randomize
