I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
