Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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