my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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