he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
