i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
